Telling someone what you have learned about God’s forgiveness is one thing. Telling God’s forgiveness is one thing. Telling someone who has hurt you, “I forgive you” is another story altogether. 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). 

It would be so much easier for me if “kind” and “compassionate” were in reverse order. “Kind” is an action-oriented word. “Compassionate” is a feeling-oriented word. Placing them in that order calls upon me to act kindly toward a person whether the feelings precede those actions or not. I would rather wait until I feel like it. God in His wisdom understands, however, that so often action needs to precede feelings. The first and foremost action is that of forgiveness. 

Now before we go too much further, let’s clarify what forgiveness is because there are many misconceptions. Forgiveness is not a matter of forgetting, almost pretending that something never happened. God certainly forgets. He tells us in Jeremiah 31:34b: 

 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” 

God is able to completely forget and clear out of His thinking or remembrance the wrong that I have done. When I try this, I end up feeling guilty that I must not have forgiven a person when their offense to me keeps rising up in my mind. Forgiveness is as much a process where I must daily die to myself and allow Christ and His love to rise up within me. Joseph of the Old Testament is a great example of one who does not forget. He remembers quite well what his brothers did to him. Through a painstaking process, he works toward reconciliation with his brothers. James R. Bjorge in his book, “Living in the Forgiveness of God,” writes, 

“Forgiveness happens when past resentments are dealt with, not just discarded; are owned, not disowned; are recognized, not repressed; are released, not retained” (p. 60). 

Forgiveness is not forgetting, nor is it excusing. Forgiveness is not a matter of sweeping under the carpet what someone has done to us. Realize that just a few verses before we are told to forgive “just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32), we are also told, “In your anger do not sin” (vs. 26a). Nor is forgiveness a matter of “time heals all wounds.” Sometimes time will only cause bitterness to take root. God’s Word warns, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (v. 26b). 

Forgiveness involves in our relationships what it did with Jesus on the Cross—the canceling of the debt we believe someone owes us. This does not mean we leave them off the hook. Rather, it means that we take “the knife” out of our “gut.” In “The Art of Forgiveness,” Lewes Smedes writes: 

“When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are immediately healed. When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are going to be buddy/buddy. When we forgive a person, this does not mean we surrender the right to restitution or justice when appropriate. When we forgive a person, this does not mean that we trust them, yet. When we forgive a person, we are not avoiding pain; we are opening the door to healing. When we forgive, we take the journey at the pace we are able to handle . . . the deeper the hurt, the longer the journey” (pp. 177-178)
--
 

Helping people live life with Jesus everyday,